Sunday, February 8, 2009

Fair Accommodations - Clean up with this

I yesterday evening traveling a part of town I try to avoid thanks to tourists with big camera lenses that don't pay attention to where they are walking. I like to call this part of San Francisco Chinatown. Anyway, I went there to check out the Chinese Lunar New Year Parade because that is just one of the best parades you'll ever see in San Francisco and is up there for best parade in the US for sure. The parade was fun, lots of dragons, firecrackers and I got to shake Gavin Newsom's hand (it's a lot cooler doing it then writing about it). But I though there was one down side, as there is always a downside when going to fair/parade/concert, and we know that downside as the bathroom accommodations. I have never been a big fan of porto potties. The idea of a pine scent and some blue liquid covering all that disgusting waste just causes me some grief especially in such a seismically active city as San Francisco (those porto potties could topple at any time). Thankfully I didn't have to go into any of the porto-pain because I used my home bathroom before leaving, but I did notice the cleaning station as I was walking by and I knew it was worth taking a quick snap of it.

Mind you, this is the CLEANING STATION. I mean just look at it! Maybe to you the used paper towels, flies around the sink and water that is labeled as safe enough for your hands but not for your mouth is a pillar of sanitation, but for me this is about as clean as licking the underside of a grease trap outside McDonalds. Come on people, with all the technology we've created like iphones and email we can't come up with something that is better than a porto-pottie? Where is my iPottie? It's time to get the scientist of the world to switch to portable pooping technology that is better and more fun for the entire family.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Earthquake Bathroom

So being a resident of San Francisco, I often wonder what it would be like to be in a bathroom during an earthquake. Does the water shoot up from the pipe systems? Can you still brush your teeth with even strokes? Is it really hard to apply deodorant? That is why I think they should design earthquake proof bathrooms. Sounds crazy? Not really when you break it down.

  1. Where do you go during an earthquake? Doorway? Hallway? Under a tree with magical roots? Nobody knows. make it common knowledge that all bathrooms are built like Cold War bunkers and everyone will feel safe crapping in times of crisis.

  2. Speaking of crapping, that brings me to my second point. What happens when people are scared? That's right it's not pretty and it smells a little bad in the swimsuit area. So why not make it auto-response to get people to the bathroom, that way when the crisis is over they come out smelling fresh, clean and of course well shaven.

  3. Vantiy. Have you ever looked at yourself during a crisis? Seriously you're crying, panicked and of course creating terrible creases in your complexion. If people had mirrors like they do in bathrooms they would see how foolish them look during an earthquake and quickly straighten out and look decent for cameras.

So if we had earthquake proof bathrooms, not only would not be dead after an earthquake, they would smell nicer and look decent in the face of a crisis and those are really things we can't do without.