Fair Accommodations - Clean up with this

I yesterday evening traveling a part of town I try to avoid thanks to tourists with big camera lenses that don't pay attention to where they are walking. I like to call this part of San Francisco Chinatown. Anyway, I went there to check out the Chinese Lunar New Year Parade because that is just one of the best parades you'll ever see in San Francisco and is up there for best parade in the US for sure. The parade was fun, lots of dragons, firecrackers and I got to shake Gavin Newsom's hand (it's a lot cooler doing it then writing about it). But I though there was one down side, as there is always a downside when going to fair/parade/concert, and we know that downside as the bathroom accommodations. I have never been a big fan of porto potties. The idea of a pine scent and some blue liquid covering all that disgusting waste just causes me some grief especially in such a seismically active city as San Francisco (those porto potties could topple at any time). Thankfully I didn't have to go into any of the porto-pain because I used my home bathroom before leaving, but I did notice the cleaning station as I was walking by and I knew it was worth taking a quick snap of it.



Mind you, this is the CLEANING STATION. I mean just look at it! Maybe to you the used paper towels, flies around the sink and water that is labeled as safe enough for your hands but not for your mouth is a pillar of sanitation, but for me this is about as clean as licking the underside of a grease trap outside McDonalds. Come on people, with all the technology we've created like iphones and email we can't come up with something that is better than a porto-pottie? Where is my iPottie? It's time to get the scientist of the world to switch to portable pooping technology that is better and more fun for the entire family.

Earthquake Bathroom

So being a resident of San Francisco, I often wonder what it would be like to be in a bathroom during an earthquake. Does the water shoot up from the pipe systems? Can you still brush your teeth with even strokes? Is it really hard to apply deodorant? That is why I think they should design earthquake proof bathrooms. Sounds crazy? Not really when you break it down.

1. Where do you go during an earthquake? Doorway? Hallway? Under a tree with magical roots? Nobody knows. make it common knowledge that all bathrooms are built like Cold War bunkers and everyone will feel safe crapping in times of crisis.


2. Speaking of crapping, that brings me to my second point. What happens when people are scared? That's right it's not pretty and it smells a little bad in the swimsuit area. So why not make it auto-response to get people to the bathroom, that way when the crisis is over they come out smelling fresh, clean and of course well shaven.


3. 
   Vantiy. Have you ever looked at yourself during a crisis? Seriously you're crying, panicked and of course creating terrible creases in your complexion. If people had mirrors like they do in bathrooms they would see how foolish them look during an earthquake and quickly straighten out and look decent for cameras.
   

So if we had earthquake proof bathrooms, not only would not be dead after an earthquake, they would smell nicer and look decent in the face of a crisis and those are really things we can't do without.

Front Page Whore T-shirt

When I am not searching the world for the worst places to drop a load I spend a lot of time on digg.com (it's a similar experience). Recently, I have noticed a lot of what I am going to call whores on Digg. Now these are not the people that just try and friend everyone to boost their rank (I hate you too, don't worry). These are instead the people that don't bother to do anything but read the front page and top news on digg. I hate this because all they are doing is boosting the ego of people like MrBabyMan and others that seem to game the system to get their stories top. Do some research people! Go into upcoming, or even do some reading by category, it won't hurt. Go ahead, try it, I'll wait....while I was waiting I made this t-shirt design for you whores.

Digg Front Page Whore by niffx
Get t-shirts from Zazzle
Browse Business Motivational T-Shirts

Freedom or Death t-shirt

This is my first post in a long time, I know. But in this post I thought I would do a little shameless promotion of my store and the t-shirt I created in honor of Johnny Drama and his plight on entourage. See, I take the Drama issue seriously I think that the French bitch was a bad move for him so I think that his freedom was well earned and deserved from her. Check out my shirt that celebrates that fact.

FREEDOM OR DEATH shirt
by

niffx

Make Customized T-Shirts With www.zazzle.com
Browse other Humor Sayings T-Shirts

On the subject of crapping

i just took a crap that was shaped EXACTLY like the "s" on the superman symbol - it was the best thing I did this week.

Six Months - No Deodorant

It started with a scare. I mistakenly turned on FOX News and learned (I use that term loosely) from those luscious truth spinners that deodorant might have some aluminum oxidate something or other in it. What does that garbage do? Well other than making you attractive to the opposite sex and giving you that classic MAN smell, it makes you forget your wasted life when you are drooling as a past time at the tender age of 86 in a nursing home.

So I decided to stop, and what an improvement in my life it has been. Not only do I save 3-4 dollars a month, I am discovering new smells, or as I like to call them musts, that I produce.

What affect does it have on other people? Well as far as I can tell everyone loves it, I've received a promotion recently, and even been approved for progressive car insurance.

So I dare you to ditch the deodorant and do the world and your memory a favor.

Should I do a t-shirt? I think so.

Disposable Razor

So I hear through the grapevine, and by grapevine I mean the crazies on the bus that sometimes talk to me, that you are supposed to throw away those disposable razors after like two weeks of use. Did I not get the memo on this one? I have been using the same disposable, single blade razor for almost six months now. Yes it isn’t the closest of shaves and it is pink (I sometimes questions my masculinity while shaving, yesterday I almost threw off my towel to shave my legs..) but I don’t get razor burn or any other affliction attributed to dull razors and I am clean shaven. So what’s the deal?

My theory? Glad you asked.... It’s those damn razor people, they want people to keep buying more and more razor blades so that they can fill all the garbage dumps with the old ones, making the dumps so razor filled that the local seagull population is killed off by razors cutting up their insides. And just as people are being to wonder what happened to all the seagulls, Gillette announce the Mach 6 Robot Seagull, with precious control tourist aimed shitting.

So take the Nasty Bathroom Challenge and try shaving with a disposable for six months, you will at least be fighting off the eventual take over of Robot Seagulls.